We all live with failure in some way. It is part of life. We will begin, attempt, try, or pursue something, and we will ultimately fail at some point in one or all of these things. There is an old saying that we do not learn from our successes, but we learn from our failures. It is part of the process of life. It is also how we learn to cope and to adapt to the reality that things don't always go as planned and we have to alter our plans, goals, desires, to some degree as a result of failure.

It is popular in American Society today to remove failure in some misguided effort to "protect" our children. It is a destructive practice because it isn't reflective of the way life is in the real world outside the home. In such cases, everyone is a winner and gets some kind of reward. They no longer have to face the fact of defeat or coming up short. They don't have to face the humiliation (such as it is) and derision from the winning team, the team that just beat you by the widest margin in the history of the sport.

And so they lose twice. They lose first because they don't have to face how losing makes you feel. They lose second because they won't learn to accept failure as a fact of life, and so learn from it and grow (even mature) in a way that builds good character and humility, the ability to congratulate the victors for their win - and actually mean it.

Losing - failure - is a "right of passage", in a way. Our character is affected as a consequence of how we deal with failure. As kids, we need to learn to accept we didn't do well in playing the game, and so do not get a trophy or ribbon, period. Losing tells us we need to be better, to work harder. Blunting this fact creates a false sense of accomplishment - especially if you give your kid a reward or prize as a way of removing the sting of defeat. That sting is important to our social, intellectual, emotional and spiritual development. Without it, children begin to develop a false sense about themselves, one they will carry into life later on.

Thomas Edison, while working on the electric light bulb, is said to have conducted 10,000 experiments to find the right filament. That means he failed thousands of times before he found the right compound for his light bulb. Imagine if, while growing up, young Thom had been coddled and didn't have to learn to deal with failure. He would never have developed the necessary character and attitude to work through the failures to become one of America's most prolific inventors. He wouldn't have had the temperament. And we would have suffered for it.

Yes, yes, somebody would have eventually invented a useful light bulb. And yes, the other inventions he created would have eventually come to pass as well. But how many years would it have taken? And the ripple effect down through time...would we even have the computers upon which you are reading this?

Think of any inventor or innovator in history. What if while growing up these had not been compelled to face and overcome failure?

In the United States we have raised a generation, perhaps two, of children who have or are about to enter the workforce, greater society, many with a particular state of mind that they are owed a good living, a nice house, a career for life.

Perhaps you've heard the stories, like one where a young man is applying for a job. At the interview, his parents are sitting behind him, monitoring the conversation and behaviour of the man conducting the interview. If they don't like the tone or direction of the interview, they intervene. Seriously.

Or how about the one where a young boy comes home from school with a report card that has a bad grade on it. The parents storm into the Principal's office and demand the grade be changed. The boy did poorly in the class, but the parents are demanding the grade be changed so the grade point won't suffer, and so his chances of qualifying for a prestigious college not be harmed. Seriously.

Many of these young people have never had to deal with failure. Their parents always blunted the sting, removed the stigma, or in some way made the circumstances other than what they were - all to spare the feelings of their child.

Out here in the real world, parents aren't allowed to run interference. And the world is going to come at you with both barrels blazing. If you aren't prepared for the demands life is going to place upon you when you leave the nest, you will do worse than fail.

It's just the way life is. And any children who grew up without having to learn to cope with and overcome failure will have to begin to learn how to deal with losing - in the real world and with far higher stakes than when they were kids and could have learned the lessons with the safety of a home and security, with parents smart enough to make them deal with and learn from failure.

Failure also means the end of, or modification of, dreams. And in truth, because of failure, and the fact that we learn to deal with it, to confront it, to overcome it, we are stronger for it in every way. Because of having to deal with failure, we may discover something that would have remained a mystery without it. That something might be the "missing" ingredient we were searching for, the one thing that would fuel our greater success in life, propelling us beyond even the heights we had originally imagined.

Failure has helped me to be a better person and a better artist and musician. The reasons behind my failures are many. But the experiences enriched my overall artistic ability, whether in the painting and drawing or in writing. The effect expanded my ability to learn more about better focus, better composition, both in image content and colour choices. It expanded my vocabulary, helped me make better chord choices - even forcing me to expand my knowledge and understanding of music theory, which in turn expanded the depth of my compositional ability, even the broadening of styles I can write in.

Had I not been confronted with learning to deal with and work through failure, I would not have been in the place to make the discoveries that enriched everything about my creative processes. Had I not learned to deal with the bullying, ridicule, poor sports ability, bad choices, and real discipline for bad behaviour as a kid, I would not have developed the temperament and character to keep pushing through my circumstances later in life when I left home. I would not have the great life I now enjoy.

It was hard work, frustrating work, maddening work. I was ripped off for pay I should have received, fired from jobs for no reason, fired from jobs for cause, laid off from jobs just because, denied jobs for lack of qualifications, denied jobs for being over qualified, and the list goes on.

But I worked through all of it. I stayed focused enough to keep improving, to keep learning, to not accept "No" as a reason to just quit, and so never quit pushing ahead in my efforts to achieve the dreams and goals I have attained. Failure helped me expand the boundaries of my abilities beyond what may have been had I not experienced rejection and failure. And there are still more failures to come. That is a fact of life. But I know how to confront them and not let them dictate to me the course my life will take.

We need to learn to take the little successes, the little victories, and hold onto them as indicators of progress. The more there are, the more likely it is we are going in the right direction, pursuing the right path - career - in life. Even should there be periods where all we get is failure, if we are learning from them and improving along the way, from experience we know things do turn around and do become successes again. And we build upon these successes. They are the reason we persist, against the odds (assuming we are not living in a deluded state), to forge ahead for the goal.

For me, it's always been music. I'm good at it. And I have gotten sufficient support, manifold successes, to tell me that it isn't just my own ideas about myself. I've been humbled enough in life to know when I'm being unreasonable and unrealistic about my abilities. But the one thing that really seals it for most of us is if we are making our bread and butter in our chosen field. I am.

Music is all I do. I work for myself, either teaching, solo performances or as a "for hire" musician. It isn't always "profitable", but in more years than not, it is. But there are instances where I still fail to succeed, whether I don't pass the audition, don't get the studio date, get the gig cancelled (which is less a failure on my part, but it still matters), or whatever the cause. I recognize this is just an important truth about life. We will never succeed in everything we do. And even in our chosen profession, we will still come up against failure from time to time. Hopefully, it occurs less and less as we improve and mature - another life long fact; you have to continually grow or you will get stuck (another form of failure).

But we cannot talk about failure and not talk about fear.

Long ago I discovered something quite interesting about human nature. It changed the way I face life and approach people, even my own efforts.

You won't like the next statement:

Fear - and how we deal with it - will influence our success and failure in life.

Many people operate based on their fears; they react to their circumstances. Fear dictates the risks they are and are not willing to take. So the end result is that fear influences their decisions, direction, even chosen profession. It's uncomfortable to think about this, even see the truth in it, but it is a fact. I have observed many people over the years, talked with them about their lives (part of my process in developing songs and the stories they tell).

In many instances, while they don't exactly use the language, the choices they've made in life, the place they have come to (at that point in time), have been a result of a response - their reaction - to fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of not being liked, fear of being loved, of being alone, fear of life, people, places, things; all these things are factors in the lives of most people and the choices made and direction taken in life.

The underlying reality in many of their lives is that they once had dreams. They were going to do something, to be somebody. But then something happened, or they found it would be far more difficult than they imagined, they didn't have the aptitude or couldn't make the grade. And fear began to speak to their circumstances. So they chose to respond by letting go, a little at a time, of the dreams and aspirations they had envisioned for their lives.

And while these folks garnered varying degrees of success in their lives, they never achieve the success they wanted. Their fear influenced their decisions and eventually their direction in life. This is not to say it was a bad thing. We will never know if achieving their dream may have been what destroyed them. This is a possibility we have to consider. Some dreams should never come true because the achievement of the dreams is the vehicle that destroys them. We have plenty evidence that this is true in famous people throughout history, and even in the short history of Rock 'n Roll.

But, setting aside the darker side of success, many folks never learn to face their fear, to confront it and challenge themselves to overcome the trepidation and worry. Those who succeed to great degree are people who have faced down their fears and refused to allow fear to influence or change their dreams away from what they really wanted in life.

You will hear this time and again in the stories of successful people. They will readily admit they had no idea how hard it would be, that at times they were afraid, even questioned their decisions, experiencing doubt. Yet, they persevered in spite of their fear, or because of it, and worked through all the hardships, worry and doubt, sometimes clinging on for dear life, thinking about and remembering the work they had done and the goal that lies ahead. This encouraged them to continue to believe they were going to make it. They remained optimistic in spite of everything. They believed in what they were doing, and themselves.

And yet, to venture back to that dark side, we can rightly also conclude that success does not always last - nor is it exactly what we expect. Where one might initially succeed, they might also ultimately fail as a result of that success. Kurt Cobain once complained about his success, that it was a drag, and that it wasn't fun anymore to play music. Why he didn't just quit is a mystery. Some might say contractual obligations, but that isn't the reason. He probably felt trapped and so, helpless to change his circumstances. And the people around him sadly were of little help. If he quit, a fair number would lose their source of income, even notoriety. Those that warned him might have been shouted down, even locked out, by those who had the most to lose.

Way back when Nirvana started, they had no aspirations to be stars. They were just enjoying playing music. When it all went huge, Kurt lost himself. Drugs were a factor in Kurt's unhappiness, sure. But I think all the pressure to perform was having a deeper effect; the drugs were just a symptom. Most people are just not cut out for a life in the entertainment business. It can be brutal, I know from personal experience. Kurt's death, and most recently Amy Winehouse's, too, becomes yet another cautionary tale of success gone bad.

Fear can cause us to undermine our success, even sabotage, as in the above examples, our progress. So how do we keep fear at bay? How do we ensure we will succeed? Is there a secret? No. There is no secret.

Failure occurs for only a few reasons: You do not try or you give up trying (for whatever reason). You are afraid to try (for whatever reason). You experience some kind of cataclysmic failure that the whole idea (whatever it may be) no longer beckons you.

The simple truth: If you want something, you have to go after it. If you fail, and are undeterred, you have to pick yourself up and go after it again. You repeat this method, adjusting with better education (yes, this may mean taking lessons for you musicians - there's always something new to learn), more practice, better preparation, better attitude, better effort, more of everything you need to give yourself the greatest opportunity to succeed. But, again, you have to be realistic about it. If you're 50 and want to be an astronaut, that just isn't going to happen, unless you already possess the education, skills and qualifications to do so.

And you have to recognize that timing is a big factor behind our failure in some situations. That has happened to me. But timing changes and you have to be ready for it when the time comes. "Your time will come," in the good sense, of course. There is truth to that, especially if you recognize the cyclical nature of all things and trends. If you are prepared to ride out the 'down' times, you will be ready when the 'upturn' begins. Yeah, in some ways, the early bird does indeed get the worm. And if you successfully anticipate an upturn, you can be one of the first to jump on the opportunity and get the best results. That's how entrepreneurs make the big bucks. They see a trend before it goes viral, invest in it, and while it is at the peak, they capitalize and sell off their holdings for big profits.

The Music business is not like that, not really, and not for a working musician. But the trends, the tastes in music of the general listening public, do behave in a similar fashion. If you are playing one kind of music and the trend is showing signs of changing to something else, the savvy musician will see that trend, change the lineup of their music and be an "early adopter" in the trend, and so be in greater demand. If you are afraid of changing, then you lose - you fail. Then you're left with 'catching up' with the other bands, and so you lose gigs, income, and perhaps everything and have to start all over again from scratch. I've done this, too.

One more thing necessary to discuss: Our attitude is probably one of the biggest factors in how failure will affect our lives. A good attitude, a positive attitude, will minimize the effect failure will have. A poor attitude, a negative attitude, will magnify the effects of failure, even creating a downward spiral into further failure.

It is, therefore, essential that we take failure in context, that we do not blow it out of proportion and effectively throw the baby out with the bath water. Failure may not be fun, easy or expected, but it is manageable. Failure is not the end of the world, even if it seems like it at the time. And a person with a positive attitude will recognize this reality and keep everything in perspective, not sacrificing their overall mental, emotional and spiritual condition because of a few setbacks.

How we deal with failure, as mentioned earlier, has everything to do with our attitude, and our ability to manage our fear. It will always be instructive, even if we find ourselves learning a lesson more than once or twice. That, in and of itself, should tell you something. You can't keep doing something the same way, once you've found it doesn't work, expecting different results. That is the very definition of insanity.

Failure can make you lose your perspective at times. But if you have surrounded yourself with supportive people, they will help you through it. If you have any expectation to succeed in the things you want, you have to accept defeat and failure as inevitable at some point in some aspects of your quest. Learn from these experiences; grow in the process. Learn, share, and above all, just love the journey for all its thorns, obstacles, impediments, challenges and detours as well as the moments of great elation and joyful exuberance - everything that happens.

It is all these things that make the journey itself a grand adventure. And when you have an adventure, you have something to look forward to, something to talk about, to write about, to share with others.

It is the stories we tell that will live on, even after we have departed on the most mysterious and wondrous journey of all, to learn what is on the other side... what lies beyond. But that's a topic for another day, and another time.